Zexion

"I'm not completely not unlike not a Nazi!"

- Zexion

Zexion is a character in the Ansem Retort series of webcomics.

Once a sane man, now gone native.

Self-admitted jerkass.

Doctor and Governor of Pennsylvania.

Backstory
Doctor Zexion Doreone used to be a government-employed surgeon with a few black market connections, until a fiasco with an oreo and a brain tumor cost him his practicing license. He turned completely to black market surgery, writing two books, "Transplants and You", and "Harry Potter and the Monkey's Ass Lung".

Season 1
In season one, he first appears as a regular cast member with no roommate due to Larxene, which he witnesses cutting off Ansem's arm. Namine asked for his help to reverse Kairi's language from l33t to english, stating the side effects of them knowing what she talks about. When the demon horde attacks the Ansem retort team, he hides in a room with Kairi and Namine because they were "too stupid to bring a weapon" as said by Axel. Defenseless, Zexion served as a doctor and patches up Riku, who was stabbed, elecrocuted, cut in half and "Sora lost his memory 8 times" and angrily tells him he's not fine after Zexion asks if he was and threatens him with a sword before Zexion reveals he had placed a firecracker in his liver, which sends him running. He finds out that Ansem Retort is on right that very moment and exclaimed that if demons wanted to find them, they'd just have to turn on a TV. Hopeless, he shouts "Halo Sucks" on live TV, thinking he would die. Axel traps and kills he demons attempting to kill them with a wall of fire. Zexion and his group survives and runs into Darth Maul, who had switched sides and gave Zexion a light saber. Zexion and his group joined Axel and his own group on hunting  the demon executive of Fox. Zexion distracted the guard in the gate and left Riku to fight it. On the way, Namine and Kairi were sent on a recon mission and Zexion followed Axel and Marluxia, before being attacked by the people from Microsoft, who came to arrest him after saying "Halo Sucks" on national T.V. The first Microsoft guy, revealed to be a rookie. Axel kills the rookie, pees on the corpse and leaves. Leaving Zexion against the Second Microsoft guy, and a third one. They talk for a while before they fight and the third guy decides to use a force shield, which he traps himself in, then electrocutes himself. Zexion offered help for the Microsoft guy before being reminded by the other Microsoft guy that the dying microsoft guy tried to kill him and proceeds to stab the dying Microsoft guy, killing him and forcing the other guy to leave. Zexion wondered around and accidentally encouters the Demonic Executive, who was forcing Riku and Sora to do various commercials. Zexion attempted to flee and call Axel for help, but Sora shouts "Hi Zexion!" and the demonic executive sees him. Since they weren't all there yet, Zexion offered a game of Poker which they all played, before Sora ruined the game. When Axel, Marluxia, and Larxene arrive, and later Namine, who reveals that Kairi had died, Axel divided the group to 5 main attackers and fought the Executive in a turned based battle, emulating final fanasy. Zexion sayed behind the front lines and observed the fight with Marluxia and Namine. After the executive realized how stupid and boring the game is, he attakcs Riku and Sora suggests summoning a gangster bahamut and Zexion leaves it to Axel. Axel distracts the demon as Sora starts summoning. Zexion talks about their battle, saying how his opponent shocked himself to death and later tells Larxene to shut up. Larxene later has a stroke and Zexion suggests that Sora kick her in the a few times. After Axels stabs and kills the demonic executive, Marluxia complains how it was that easy. Zexion shuts him up and reasons that "Theyre dead. We're alive." and offers to order chinese food.

Abilities
At the start of the series, he had nothing to defend himself and was part of the weaponless group when the horde of demons attacked their house. For a time, he stayed holed up with Kairi and Namine, serving as a doctor and used his skills as a black market surgeon to help the injured, mostly Riku, who got stabbed, shocked, cut in half, and kicked in the crotch by Sora 8 times. He stitched him up, but not before adding a firecracker within his liver, claiming it to be "funny later on." After Darth Maul sides with the Ansem Retort team, he provides Zexion a light saber which he uses frequently when fighting, even threatening the queen of England with it. Besides that, He is a black market surgeon that sells the organs of people that Axel kills to the black market. At one occurance, when he fought th retarded dark sora clown, he litterally shoved 3 mongooses up the said sora clowns ass because of how annoying the clown was. He even used his prowes as a surgeon to turn Cid into a living orea just for the sake of it, which in turn lost him his Medical License, which he later gets back after threatening the queen of England. He becomes a governor in season 3 after fighting Cid over the position instead of having Axel kill off Cid so there would be a plotline. As governor, he funnels money and uses his connections to get around. He even used his power as governor to take money and fund Axel and Aeriths wedding.